Monday, 18 July 2011
I have been wondering the last little while why I am able to be pushed so hard by K. At first I thought it was my pride, cause I sure have a lot of it and I hate being embarrassed in front of someone and to appear weak. But on more reflection it's because she knows what my body/I am capable, and only asks that of me. Trusting in my self is especially hard after dealing with depression and anxiety attacks, as it often it felt like my body was letting me down. I would make some plans and want to do something and than when the time came I would be so down and sad that I could barely leave my bed, let alone get dressed and imagine leaving the house. Or I could be out somewhere, and out of the blue I would have a panic attack and be left short of breath, drenched in sweat (not an exaggeration sometimes I could ring out my clothes) and shaking. So needless to say I have trust issues with what I believe I am capable of doing, and am glad that K doesn't see me the way I see me. I am learning to see myself through her eyes and am in awe of my body and it's limitations which seem endless!