Monday, 21 May 2012

A little perspective

This is the first photo of me being pregnant.   When you gain close to 100 pounds in a few short years, you stop taking pictures, and even when you have lost just over half of that weight....getting your picture taken does not come very easily.  We took this running out the door and went out for date night at Il Terrazo....where I could not believe how "pregnant" I was treated.  I didn't have to go down stairs to the bathroom...on the way down the manager told me to use the one up stairs.  It was a nice though because over the couple hours we were there I went 4 times.  Strangers have starting asking me when I am due, and lots of people touch the belly now.
I commented to LB in the restaurant how pregnant I've felt the last little while and not getting my own drink menu and the server commenting how LB would be the only one needing one summed it up.
We have 3 mirrors in our house, and only one of them is a full length one it is on the back of the bathroom door so there is often a towel hanging over it; and like the camera situation mirrors are avoided.  So when we came home and I looked at the pictures I laughed out loud....I look HUGE and no wonder people have noticed! I hadn't really noticed other then how clothes felt and how hard it is getting to bend or crouch down!  So these pictures are my new perspective on how I look...and truly I LOVE IT.  It helps that just last Tuesday Baby Bailey finally started moving so I could feel him/her.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012

A cry for help is a

cry for matter which forms it comes in.  And certainly is not our place to judge how or why a person seeks help in the way in which they choose.  This morning I woke up to find a friend had attempted/thought/planned suicide on Facebook.  I am grateful that this attempt was taken away from them by a loved one.  Now honestly the first thought was oh attention, but then as I continued to read I heard the desperation and the pain that was being felt and a flood of emotions came rushing back.  I knew the words that were being said I had thought them many times, and I could feel the pain that was being felt. I chose a very different form of crying for help...and very private.  None the less the cry for help was still a very real cry for help.  Please don't judge someone based on their cry for help, getting attention is asking for help, hurting oneself through cutting, drinking, drugs, eating disorders, or anything else is that person's way of saying I am hurting and I don't know what to do with the pain...if you know anything please help and even if I am not ready to listen I know I have you in my corner.   

I went back to bed and curled up with LB and the dogs and cried my eyes out for myself. Grateful I got help and fought like hell to get out of the depressive hole that I was in...because there where those who saw my cry for help was a cry for help and showed kindness and love without judgement.