Wednesday 3 August 2011

Reasoning

One of the struggles dealing with depression was wondering "why me?".  Why do I deserve this?  Why if I pray for it to go away it wont? Why can't the doctors make it go away? Why, Why, Why...common words in my vocabulary in the first 2-2.5 years of depression.  I really struggled to make sense of the world that I was living (or suffering) in.  In the past I have seen things very black and white, right or wrong, good or bad, and when you look at life this way you find yourself not being able to enter into the world of others.  I was the first one when I heard someone was depressed to say get over it, wow did I ever have to eat humble pie on those words.  During the last 2.5 years I have come to a realization that this was meant to happen, call it god, karma or the universe, I was meant to have this experience.   And I have become grateful (most days) that I can understand the pain of another, because I have felt pain.  My understanding of other human beings has increase, so has my love and compassion, for this I am grateful to suffer depression.  If we can find the silver lining, the reason, the purpose, to the things we have suffered we can grow and become better human beings. 
PS I AM STRESSING ABOUT TOMORROWS WEIGH IN!!

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