Thursday, 15 September 2011

Eat Pray Love Hate

I had a really hard time with this book.  Especially the eat section, it hit really too close to home, she suffered from depression and too much of what she wrote made me feel naked and vulnerable.  I try to be honest with what I go through with depression but after reading this book I realized that I am not as honest as I thought.  I spent many nights on the bathroom floor crying, trying not to wake LB, our marriage was not in any trouble I just hated watching him feel helpless and when he would ask what he could do there was nothing I could ever say, which would make the two of us feel even worse.  I struggled with wanting and not wanting to take medication. Growing up medication was not the answer and certainly not a cure in my family, even my grandfather in stage four cancer felt no need for western traditional medication and choose an alternative route which ended up giving him a peaceful end. And so many internal battles were waged until I made peace with the fact that I may have to always take medication, I still struggle everyday to take my medication. I look at the pills and make myself swallow them because I know that my life has improved immensely and I cannot afford to not take them.  I had a very similar cry for help, calling and begging a wonderful women to help me, to save me because I didn't think I could live like this much longer, without serious long term harm coming to myself.  And luckily for me I called the right person at the right time and got some much needed help, as I had reached out before and turned away.
I think it is worth the read just for the picture of desperation Elizabeth paints in her suffering of depression, the rest of the book is much lighter and carefree, and the movie I've been told has little to do with her depression.

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