Millstone and Week Two Weigh In

So this weeks weight in was 167.4 so just about over 2.5 pounds in the last two weeks, not quite what I wanted but....it marks 50 pounds lost, since March!  I honestly never really thought myself capable to loss this weight, I wanted to with all of my being, but didn't really believe that I could do it.  So I have, and I also have made another choice, that there is no more scale until the 24 of January.  I have been looking back at when the binge eating occurs and it happens after I loose weight.  Might seem weird, but not really. I am a little apprehensive of succeeding, I am in a comfort zone and to change your life(or lifestyle) is really uncomfortable. So when I get uncomfortable and apprehensive I eat.   So the next 8 weeks I am going to be free of the scale, free (hopefully) of fear and just go for the full 20 pounds lost.
With one more stressful week of school left, it should be pretty clear sailing...fingers crossed!

A Chat About Food

So a huge part of weight loss is dietary, I am eating less calories that if I was trying to maintain my weight, somewhere around 1200 is the goal.
So for starters we have no "junk food" in the house, no snacks that are high in calories and low in nutritional value.  If LB wants it he has to eat it, and not leave it hanging around.  We have lots and lots of fruits and veggies, which lucky for me I love, so there is no hardship there.
We only shop on the outside perimeter of the grocery store, expect to buy cereal and some types of beans, and sauces.
We mostly eat a vegetarian diet, that is still protein rich as when you are doing strength training and building muscle mass  you need to have proteins, so lots of beans and veggie meat. We still try and eat meat once a week, if we go any longer then a week I start craving it.
Everything I put in my mouth I try to make sure it is doing something good for my body.  Before we go out somewhere I will read over the menu, and think about what I want to eat, so I avoid sitting in the restaurant feeling so hungry that I may make a decision I regret later.
Carbs are my friend, just in moderation.
Water is my best friend when it comes to dieting...
That's about all I know when it comes to food, it's working, slowly and surely....

Killed by KettleBall Part 2

Today's workout with K was amazingly hard! But it was such a good workout, and it lifted the blues that I'd been feeling for the last little while.  Got pumped full of endorphin's and managed to even have a clear enough head to finish the paper I'd been working on for the last week.  The the one thing about depression that I feel isn't talked about enough, is the ever lasting fog that a person can get in.  It's bad enough when you are feeling blue, but to not be able to think clearly on top is just horrible.  In the depths of my depression I couldn't even read a book, and that just about did me in. I love reading, love love love it. So to have it taken away was pretty hard, I did find that audio books helped.  I have no idea how many times in the last 5 years I have listen to the Harry Potter series, probably close to 5 times, and some of the books more....to this day Jim Dale(the reader) voice is like honey and makes me fall asleep.
So I am hoping that this minor depressive slump has lifted, at least until after exams....!

The next step.

I always thought that getting started was the hardest step to take, but I am realizing that the hardest step is the next step.  Nothing magically gets easier, and some days are just plain hard.  I was asking K if it gets easier to work out, and she said no. Physical health being what she is in school for, and what her whole career will one day revolve around, she still doesn't always have good days, and sometimes still skips the gym.  I am glad to know that it's not just me, who feels that way.  Anyways, today is a hard step but it is the next step, and it must be taken.

Backtracking

Sometimes this journey feels like it's one step forward and two steps backwards.  Today was two or maybe three steps backwards.  A couple chocolate bars, some chips and a box of KD...seriously not to happy with my self right now. I can blame it on the large amount of stress I am under, but the truth of the matter is it just happened and in the moment I didn't care, about the diet, about anything, just fixated on the food that I was craving.

Sharing

Just wondering if there is anyone out there who is looking to loose some weight, or has recently lost some weight that would like to share? You could write as a guest blogger to share your story.
School is so crazy right now, that this blog is getting a little neglected.  My workouts are not getting neglected thought so that's good.  Going to the gym seems to be the only thing that 100% takes my mind off the papers I am writing and everything else that goes on.
K had an awesome work out for me today, when I left I was drenched with sweat, and can barely my arms to even type.  Since I have worked up to about 15 reps per set, K decided instead of adding we would just do the exercise really slow, and make sure that every muscle was engaging in the exercise that was supposed to.  Well it worked, big time!

Gracious

So I am incredibly hard on myself, and about .5 a pound or maybe .7 short of  2 pounds lost this week.  AND IT'S KILLING ME....(we wont even talk about my reaction to the Bt I got on my last exam). I have done extremely well with eating, other then last nights small piece of rice pudding and ice cream.  Gone to the gym 6 of 7 days, had killer work outs, I am still sore Monday from Friday's and Saturday's workouts, especially my legs.  Yes I know that I need to not be so hard on myself, but it has brought me success in the past, and the lure of success is what pushes me.  I also worry that after years of having no motivation, we are talking about spending hours to try and get into the shower, that if I don't have high standards for myself that's where I'll end up again.   So I end up fretting about B's and half pounds, which is not where I want to be either.  So I need to be gracious towards myself, word of the week!

20 X10

So last week LB challenged me to really get the next 20 pounds off quickly. His thought was something along the lines of when you look back in January you can be happy about what you've accomplished or you can wish you had done more.  So after a couple days of thinking about and talking with K we picked a time of 10 weeks.  That's 2 pounds a week, I haven't do that in a while but she thinks if I focus it can be done.  So here is goes, well it started Tuesday, weight  169 goal 149! So by January 24th I plan on being 149 pounds, it pretty crazy to think about, but it is the perfect time.
For most people Christmas can be a time of gaining weight, for me it is a time when I have no school.  That means no studying snacks, no quick meals, and time people time!
So I relies that it will be a little bit harder, it will just mean making better choices.  I don't need to or plan to have holiday goodies in the house, and for Christmas time get together's staying away from the excess, the second helping, drinks, dessert, etc.
I am hoping to get through the next 3.5 weeks unscathed, as I am up to my eyeballs in papers, and right now there is no end in sight for them to be done and a bunch of looming deal lines.....

Thank goodness we wear clothes

So this past week I went shopping for a dress to wear to LB's Christmas party in a month.  I am starting to feel like I look really good dressed, was trying on size 8's and they were a tiny tiny bit snug but knowing they would fit perfectly in 4 weeks.  The problem was the florescent lights and full length mirrors, and standing in bra and underwear, did nothing for my self-esteem.  I have lost almost 50 pounds, 3 pounds shy right now, and I have a lot of baggy skin.  And there is nothing I can do about it right now, except weight training and toning. It is in my upper arms, tummy and especially my thighs.  It's just hanging there, and didn't really bother me until standing under those lights and seeing my self in all my glory...yikes.  Needless to say I went home empty handed and began research on how to get rid of this skin, naturally.
I got deviled eggs with cayenne pepper, fancy skin creams and oils, bath soaks, and a whole lot other kinda weird facts.  There was a couple good ones thought, like heavy exfoliating to get old skin off and promote healthier tighter skin, and hand lotion to help firm up skin.
I think the best and most realistic thing is time, I am young and healthy and I feel that my body will take care of itself.  I may always have some extra skin, but not like what I have right now.  So the word of the week is patience, with myself,  my body and weight loss. 

This Weeks Goal

I want to be this tired after every workout, push myself to the limits. Come home weary and exhausted. Knowing I've given everything I've got.    I also would be happy if my body looked like this!

Fall

So this is the latest picture of me.  I have some more definition in my face, and waist.  I am struggling with my legs right now as I really want to wear boots, however it isn't happening.  I don't know what it is called but when I get my boots on I have a ?muffin top?, and looks like I have stuffed my legs in and the fat is pouring over the top of the poor boots.  Everything thing I have read tells me to keep doing what I am doing, running and the elliptical machine, and to stay off the stair climber.  So the plan is to keep on keeping on what I am doing, as it has worked this far!
I am back to the 170-169, so I am back to were I was and it is feeling good.

The Burpee

Well this last week I was introduced to the burpee.  And it sucked.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MGljX4bbps

As mentioned before I am highly uncoordinated, and the idea of cardio and push-ups at the same time is distressing.   I had seen other trainers do it and was so glad K never made me do it...haha I swear just when I think the worst is over she throws something harder and something I like even less.
We also spent some time doing sprints and for the first time I was running at a 7 with an incline....and I was running, really running.  Like a bear was chasing me running.  It was quite the workout!  I am secretly glad that K is gone for a week to Vegas, because after that workout I wasn't very happy, and I think space is good for every relationship....

Salvation

That would be LB, I am particularly grateful for him this week.  He has shown me that what I know/knew didn't have to be the way I am/was. Right from the moment we met he challenged what I knew and what I believed, forced me to look inward and examine myself. In turn as I have changed, changed a lot and for the better.  I have been able to do the same for him.  We question what we believe and what we think is right, to see if there is something better, or a way to improve our life.  And if we don't know, we are okay with that and do some digging to find out.

I am glad that school has taught me what I've always innately believed to be true, that we are fully capable of change. We do not have to be the people we were 5 years ago, and we do not have to be what we've always seen, or do what we know.  CC my counselor always tells me, If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.

I AM NOT okay with doing what I've always done, or getting what I've always got.  If I was I would be still force feeding myself Cheetos 
I AM NOT okay with standing still watching the world change and evolve around me.  I believe in taking responsibility for my life, for my future and creating something better.
I AM NOT okay with things that are happening everyday in our society.
I AM NOT okay being treated poorly or treating others poorly.
I AM NOT OKAY
So I am going to change those things.

Pet Peeve

Something that gets my goat, is weight loss "stuff", mostly because always a little piece of me gets a little excited that maybe I could sit around eat what I want and have a rocking body.
Something I've seen around lately are pants that make you lose weight.  Okay, so they are workout pants and chances are if you go to the gym or for a run while wearing the pants ...you might just lose weight.  Same with running shoes that help you loss extra weight, again if you are putting them on and go for a walk ...you might just lose weight.  But if  you are wearing the pants and the shoes, eating some McDonald's, chances are you are not losing weight but gaining some weigh.
The reebok toning shoes actually are having to pay out 25 million because they made false claims.  Unlike other companies they made actually numerical claims of what their shoes can do, so chances are the other ones aren't working either.
I have be a consumer of weight loss pills, and they all come with an eating guide....also known as a diet.  Hmmmm I wonder what is working. Some of those pills are glorified laxatives, others help release water weight but really don't you think if something really really worked, everyone would be on it, doctors would hand it out like candy.
I wish that I could ignore these things but every time they suck me in just a little bit.  Oh for a magic formula, oh wait there is one, exercise and healthy eating.

The Fat of the Matter

is I've been having a hard go of it, I gained 3-4 pounds when LB was away, as I was dealing(poorly) with some issues.  Being my own worst critic I didn't feel that I could blog about the weight gain.  I gained every pound all by myself with some help from Hauzgen Daz, Delisso and Dairy Queen, we had a pity party for a couple nights.  I am slowly getting back on track.  When you have trouble with food and use it for comfort and haven't dealt with the issue at hand well there are a few slips on the road to recovery.  I was going to the gym and still am, but a quart of ice cream will add those pounds.