Horrible no good very bad day

Yesterday was a very bad day.  It started late Sunday night with a phone call letting me know, a wonderful amazing women had passed away, she was affectionately called Gramma, and lost her battle to breast cancer.  I to make a few calls the next morning to let some others know of her passing, not the way you want to start your morning.  Needless to say I was running behind and LB offered to drive me to school, and I nearly bit his head off, as he was messing with my routine, he than said you seem rather stressed and a drive would get me there for my exam before biking would.   I got to the exam early the door was locked and I started psyching myself out, that I was in the wrong place, wrong class, and I didn't study hard enough.   Exam was a little harder than I thought it would be.  Other little things kept going wrong and fast forward to my walk home.   Three blocks from home and I had a major panic attack...I've only had one or two major panic attacks before.  What makes it major is; apart from the shakes, troubled breaking, sweating, minor disorientation (from lack of oxygen) is that I lose control of my bladder and bowels.  So three blocks takes about 20 or so minutes, or maybe it just felt like it to get home.  By the time I am home I am a mess, so out of it, (felt like I was drunk).  After panic attacks like that, it is medication time and bed, to try and sleep off the after effects.  The effects of a bad panic attack can be felt for a day or so afterward.  My body is so tense, like it is stuck in the moment of fight or flight, like I am standing at a race line waiting for the gun to go off, every muscle ready to take action.   I am so glad for a new day...and that yesterday was yesterday.

                                             Good old Monty Python