Saturday, 7 January 2012

Depression Hurts

I don't often write about depression, but for the last week it has been creeping up and today BAM! For me depression is just as much physical as psychological, which makes sense to me, as I believe the two are very much connected.  I ache from head to toe, each of my limbs feel like they are filled with concrete, and my chest aches the most.  When we hurt of heart ache, the feeling like our heart is being crushed and we can barely breath, is what depression feels like to me.  My brain shuts down and becomes foggy so each decision and choice is compromised, and irrational.  I need to cry but I am so numb, and so in pain at the same time nothing comes out, my eyes well up but nothing more then that.   I struggle to get out of bed, every time I choose to even move my body screams in protest, and my mind tells me of every reason why I should not move and why I should stay in bed.  Even to carry on a conversation kills me, I am glad when LB is doing something other then spending time with me and wince every time the phone rings.
This is not a pity party here, the point of this blog post is to create the littlest bit of understanding for those in your life who go through this.
 I know that I will be okay, but some times I need a day in bed, in order to cope with the next week.  January and the beginning of February are the hardest months and I am hoping that my exercise will carry me through the next months.


  1. Go Sam Go!

    It's been that kind of a week.

  2. keep on keeping on... love you

  3. Yup, your description is so accurate. Good for you to acknowledge that exercise is your best ally in conquering the beast. Reminds me of the Charlotte Diamond kids' song: ' can't go over it, can't go under it, can't go around, so I' ll have to go through it!' I think it was about the obstacles on an imaginary lion hunt but it fits a lot of life experiences!

  4. Too funny. I will often tell my clients that "the way out is through" then ask if they are ready. There is so much research clearly identifying that depression has numerous physical symptoms too. I don't understand why people don't understand :) Keep writing about it... you never know who will remember your experiences and when. You are so courageous and you will never never never give up. We love you!

  5. I dislike Jan-Mar! These months are so hard...I understand. xo Rachelle

  6. Aaah - Love you kid. xxoo Gram

  7. "It's not the load that breaks you down,
    It's the way you carry it."
    Lena Horne
    Sounds like you've figured out how to carry that "load" positively.....keep it up!!!!!
    Happy New Year!
    Queasy's mom(in-law)