Christmas Break

Christmas Eve Brunch with Q&Z yummy gingerbread pancakes

Christmas Eve Dinner with the Baileys

Lovely Puppies

Sweet Baby Tel 

Christmas Day at Halls'

Christmas Day Walk with Kane

One day I will figure out how to place pictures nicely on this blog... We had a very busy 3 days, exhausted by the time boxing day came along and most of the company left.  Christmas eve we had brunch with the lovely queasy which was so nice, then I made a pot roast for the Bailey Christmas dinner that evening, then I headed downtown for carols at Church, then on to see very tired nephews!  Meeting Tel for the first time was amazing, and I fell head over heels in love with him, just as I did meeting Rye and Kane for the first time.  Christmas day involved church and then off to my parents house where they were 15 of us...it was a long day with yummy food and a mountain of presents that I couldn't wait for the boys to dig into, I loved watching their faces dig into the presents.  Boxing day I spent most of it in bed while the rest of my house went hiking...I was just spent and the strep-throat wasn't getting any better.  J went home then we went out for dinner to celebrate my mom's 50th birthday, and headed back over to our house for cake and pictures...none of which I have.   Everyone except K&G left the next morning, I have been in bed pretty much the whole time trying to get better...which isn't working as now I have a viral chest infection, vicks vapor rub on my feet, wishing that I wake up tomorrow in 2012 healthy...

A week I could have lived without

I have not been to the gym in 6 days, yes alot has happened this week.  Saturday and Sunday were planned days off, then lovely illness called strep throat came to visit.  Let me tell you it has been a miserible week for the two of us.  LB had a fever for 2 days before he went to the clinic and was told had strep and put on antibotics, meanwhile I had a wisdom tooth pulled out and then fainted in the dentist office. I got up and was fine, paying for the bill and felt faint.  I let them know and sat down on the floor and the poor dentist and the assistant were helping me back to the chair, when down I went.  As I went down I remember thinking thank goodness I am not 200+ pounds, as I felt hands grasping to hold me up. I have a sever reaction to blood, it isn't the first time I have fainted over it and it probably wont be the last.  And I did the worst thing you can do which is relax, with every other phobia relaxation is key...except for blood related ones, you are supposed to tense up to keep your blood pressure up to prevent fainting. 
 So then it was my turn to get strep and have finally left my fever behind last night...so we are desperatly trying to get healthy as we have so many wonderful plans with friends and family in the next couple days. 

Christmas Time Is Here

My Christmas wish list is
* to get over my strep throat
*LB to get over his strep throat
*my wisdom tooth to heal nicely
*and all our company arrives safety
*to be healthy enough to cuddle my sweet nephews
* and give our poor poor puppies a much needed walk(as we have been in bed for the last 2 days)

To be our true authentic selves

"When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability. To be alive is to be vulnerable." Madeleine L'Engle


Oh and this is how I feel today, as I admit to cheating the last two weeks on my self with food.  I strive for perfection daily and when I don't reach perfection, because no one can, I lose it on myself and the spiral of self contempt and eating begins.  It is probably my biggest personal struggle is to accept my self the way I am today, because I am not yet the person I want to be.  This is not only my weight, but who I am inside.  

I know there must be a balance between personal growth and acceptance of self.  If I spend my whole life striving for growth and betterment in the way which I do now, I will miss out on so much of life's little wonderful moments.  

It is one of the factors I haven't chosen to have children yet (other then the depression), because I don't feel that I am the best me yet...and don't my children deserve that?  But don't our children deserve to also see that we all have struggles and that victory and failure happens to each of us and to see how we deal with each of those?  These battles rage inside my head on a daily basis.

It's the reason when I am in school that I have no time for anything else, I have thrown myself 100% into my studies striving for perfection...and heaven help this household if anything else happens.  

So I am going to try this Christmas break to be less hard on myself...challenge denied K.  I will enjoy the brief time with my loved ones, as my true authentic self...with just a slightly smaller serving of dessert. 

Challenge Accepted

It has been an incredibly busy week with some ups, B&B and the 3 little boys are coming for Christmas! And some downs, poor little Tel has been in the hospital as he hasn't gained any weight since his birth 2 months ago, he should be out today and has finally be diagnosed with acid reflex. We also found out that a extended family member has breast cancer and started chemo this week, and all I can think about are the two beautiful little ones they have and my heart just aches for them.
I finished my last exam yesterday!!
And K and I decided that I will have a weigh-in on the 28th.....no extra Christmas pounds for me.  K was telling me that the average weight someone gains over the holidays is 6 pounds...eeekkkk.  And then went on to tell me that if I gain anything she will lock me in a room for a week and I will live on lettuce and celery(maybe I could get some peanut butter on the celery) as life around here may lead me into temptation.   She also told me that getting my wisdom teeth pulled on Tuesday is perfect timing...I think she is the only person on the planet who thinks that. Her words...'great you can have protein shakes'....yummy.

Oh Christmas Time, Oh Christmas time

http://jackfit.blogspot.com/2011/12/holiday-health-tips.html

Holiday Health Tips

• Instead of a cup of eggnog, how's about a cup of eggnot?

• 

When you make holiday cookies, throw a couple of stink bugs in the batter. They won't be so tempting if you're scared you'll get a stinkbug cookie.



• To curb cravings, gnaw on a pine cone.



• To get it out of your system, go to Starbucks and order a venti Gingerbread Peppermint Mocha cinnamon eggnog latte. Whoa... That's actually pretty good!

• 

Limiting yourself to one piece of gingerbread doesn't make it okay to eat an entire gingerbread house.



• FDA does not - I repeat does NOT - recommend that you get four to six servings of fruitcake each day.



• 



Speed carol.



• At holiday parties, ask hostess to please hide all delicious food out of your sight.



• Holiday stress often leads to overeating, so consider slipping into a coma for the month of December.



• On January 1, lots of folks are going to be joining gyms and clogging up the works before they quit after 2 or 3 weeks, so my advice to you is to go ahead and join a gym now so you it won't be so crowded for the 2 or 3 weeks you use it before you quit.

• 



Jingle all the way (or at least as much of the way as you are able). 

Thank-you Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit

Tears

There were tears at the gym today...happy tears. Weird I know, but here's the story.  When we got married LB and I got matching titanium wedding bands, which means they cannot be sized, not a problem as I never planned on gaining any weight.  So about 3 years ago and 40  pounds later my ring came off, for good.  I wore it around my neck sometimes, but it just wasn't the same, got a cheap silver replacement but wasn't the same.  Our wedding day was perfect and I love what the rings represent, so to lose the ability to wear the ring was hard.  I also was too sentimental to get a replacement ring, also always wanted to lose the weight.  So for the last couple months I have been taking the ring out and trying it on, hoping that it would fit. Now I have been able to shove my finger in but not get it off very easily so back in the drawer it went.  So right before the gym today I pulled out the ring and tried it on and it fit!  So when I showed K the ring I was so happy that the tears started coming. Anyways thank-you K. I will take these type of tears anytime at the gym.

Your stronger then you think

I am reminded of this every couple weeks by my counselor, and as I have managed to get through the last couple weeks relatively unscathed it seems appropriate to remember as I head into exams this next week.  There are so many of you out there who read this blog, who I really don't know your struggle, but I promise that you are stronger then you think.    Adjusting to new babies, suffering through school, adjusting to toddler-hood, going back to work, dealing with health issues, mental health issues, watching loved ones struggle, watching children grow-up and let them make there mistakes, work stuff, losing loved ones, the list of things that we go through goes on and on, and we will make it through.  I am not sure some days how or why we find it in us to get up out of bed and do what needs to be done but we all do...some how.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdkNn3Ei-Lg&feature=youtu.be
This link made me cry, but this amazing 14 year old boy is doing better and is stronger then ever.  We all are stronger then we think.

Oh K

So the last few weeks with K have been killer workouts, really she has been taking great pleasure in pushing me to the max, but today takes the cake.  The first 5 exercise weren't to bad, relatively speaking but the last 5 were all the ones I hate the most, together!  Back extensions....kill me, jumping lunges....dear god no, split squat row...there are no words, the plank...shaking just thinking about it, and some weird arm ones...yuck.  Seriously I almost quite right then and there...I really did think about just leaving by the time the first sets of each exercise was over. I am so sore, so tired, and have no idea where the endorphin's went, or if they even came.  But I am a sucker for punishment, as I see her tomorrow morning, and  I thanked her for a great workout...seriously those words came out of my mouth.  I am regretting it because I am just betting she has something evil planned for tomorrow morning.